Reflections

Ehm, I know my sisters are reading this. Welcome.

You guys must be wondering why I m doing this blog thingy. Well, as I said, living so far away from my hometown and also from you guys makes me lonely. I guess this blogging is another way of trying to find my place in this big world.
Sometimes I get so bosan. How come none of my friends/relatives are living close by ? I miss the close chatter of nonsense between us girls. Well, truthfully, I don't have that many girlfriends in the first place. Growing up, I have alwiz been better friends with boys. How come ah ? The bad things about being friends with boys is that they grow up, get married and cannot be your friends anymore. Iyalah, takkan kita masih nak berkawan kot. Depa dah ada bini & kita pun dah ada laki. Scandalous lah pulak.

That's why, I often tell my girls...don't be friends with boys. Of course this advice comes about not just from the disadvantages of losing the friends when you get older but also because of the Islamic rulings on boys/girls relationships. Apasal ek, kat Malaysia nie kita takde separation of the sexes ? When I was growing up, kita biasa aje duk kawan2 ngan budak lelaki. In fact, I was so close to them that I cannot accept" batas2 pergaulan". Hei, I m not saying that I did anything bad with these guys ok. In fact all of my relations with them are purely platonic. Macam cerita "Tentang Bulan". Kat Malaysia nie, selamba aje kita biarkan anak2 pompuan kita kawan2 ngan budak2 lelaki. We tell ourselves that it is innocent. We are bringing Allah's wrath onto our heads.
When I was overseas, I found out that these open boy+girl relationship does not happen in Muslim families. From small, kids are taught to stay within their groups. There are not much mingling between the sexes.

Then, how about us, Malays? Our society is so used to the open exchanges between male & females. I remembered, when I was working in an Office in Subang, there was free banter between the male & female colleagues. Jokes in the office always have double meanings. I guess all was fariplay because we were young. In fact, I was propositioned quite a few times by my male colleagues/clients. I usually just shrug it off. Never took it seriously. Alhamdulillah, I was married early and was not looking around for any of this sort of adventure. My life was too hectic already. I don't need the extra complications.

Once, I was on a work-related trip to Japan alone. On my way home to KL, I was approached by a nice looking man. We talked for a bit in the airport lounge. Of course I did not think much about it because we were both Malaysians in a foreign airport. What's wrong with a little company while waiting for our flights? When we boarded the plane, I said goodbye to him and thought that it will be the last time we met. As I was settling down in my seats and reading the in-flight magazine, a steward approached me and told me that I have the opportunity to upgrade to business class...Courtesy of the gentleman whom I met at the airport lounge.Wow! Siapa yang tak nak business class kan ? I quickly took the offer. Never thinking that I m playing in dangerous grounds.

So, off I went to take my new seat. Yup, there he was. My new friend from the airport lounge. I thought nothing of it and just sat next to him. I can't remember how many hours the flight to KL was. It kinda flew fast coz we were talking and talking and talking. Whehw. I never lied to him though. I told him that I am maried with 2 kids. He did also tell me about his wife & family & business. When we finally touched down. I thank him for his company & the business class seat. He was chivalrous. He even gave me his card and reminded me, quite a few times, to contact him. I didn't have my own Hp no, the one that I am using is from my office and it is purely for business only. So, I didn't volunteer any of my home/office/hp no. I was never that bold that I will give away my persolal no. I promised him ...yeah of course...I'll definitely contact him. A few weeks after the incident, I was tempted to call him. However, some things always hold me back. Maybe because when I am back in the folds of my family, I've got back my senses.

Alhamdullillah, I stayed on for only 4 years in that company/situation. If I had stayed longer, I will definitely be badly influenced. Not that I was that innocent in the first place. My boss keeps on hinting for me to take up the entertainment load of the business. So far, he has been covering my line as he knows that I am a lady and has wifely duties. However, he can't keep it up for long as he has other matters that he needs to take care of. That's it. Although the pay & bonus & perks was great...the job goes well beyond 8-5. The after office-hours obligations are threatening my values. I couldn't just quit my job. I have bills to pay and mouths to feed. Somehow, Allah opens up my heart to see that I have better opportunities elsewhere. When I prayed, I always make dua that Allah helps me find a way out of this tangle. Each morning as I get out of bed, I keep thinking of ways to excuse myself from coming to office. I dreaded my life coz working takes more than 70% of my 24 hours. Out of the blue, I was called for an interview. I was quite surprise coz I've never filed for any job application. Apparently, a job application which I filed 1-2 years ago has a new opening. Masya ALlah, Allah opens up a path when He knows we are searching for it.
Now, as I get older, I regret the things that I've done during my younger days. I was too bold for my own sake. I've done too many things that I m not proud of and I've hurt too many people in my life. I've got my priorities straighten up. There is no way that I will gamble my family and my values for money/position/job satisfaction. ALlah has shown me his path. I am humbled.

Belajar Puasa

I want to write this down before I forget the whole incidence. Saje nak tulis sebagai ingatan dan juga supaya suami dapat baca bila dia pulang ke rumah kelak.

Tahun ini, Muhammad baru mula nak belajar puasa. Pada mulanya, rancang supaya dia puasa setengah hari dan perlahan-lahan tambah waktu puasanya. Mungkin pada awalnya, dia boleh berbuka bila waktu zohor. Kemuadian, pada hari berikutnya bolehlah dia lambatkan sedikit waktu berbuka ke pukul 2 , 3, 4, 5 dan akhirnya, dapatlah dia puasa penuh. Alahmdulullah, pada hari pertama & kedua puasa dia dapat puasa separuh hari. Pada ramadhan ke-3, saya bercuti dan dapat duduk di rumah sepanjang hari. Throughout the whole day, Muhammad was so busy palyaing that he forgot to ask for food or water. He only remembered that he was thirsty sometime during the evening. Jadi, kami pun pujuk2lah dia. "Tak payahlah buka Muhammad. Dah tinggal beberapa jam aje lagi. Kalau Muhammad tak buka, bolehlah dapat puasa penuh. Tentu ayah seronoh bila dapat tahu Muhammad dapat puasa penuh". Muhamad memang rindu sangat kat ayah dia.
Dulu, masa emak sekolah pun, ayahlah yang rajin jaga & layan dia. Kemana-mana ayah pergi, mesti dia ikut. Asyik melekat aje dia ngang ayah dia. Tangan dia sentiasa pegang kain ayah, takut2 kalau ayah tinggalkan dia. Bila dipujuk dan dia dengar cerita2 pasal ayah, Muhammad pun jadi bersemangat semula. Dia pun terus beritahu yang cikgu sekolah tadika dah janji akan beri hadiah " duit merah" pada sesiapa yang dapat puasa penuh. ALhamdulillah. Kuat semangat budak ini. Dipendekkan cerita, hari Sabtu tu, Muhammad dapatlah puasa penuh. Begitu juga dengan hari AHad.
Bila Muhammad dah puasa penuh untuk 2 hari, mudahlah dia utk dapat teruskan puasa penuh pada hari2 yang berikutnya. Cuma yang tak tahan ialah bila dah petang2, dia mesti merengek-rengek nak minum air. Itupun sebab sepanjang hari dia dah pulun main dengan adik & kawan2. Jadi, tentunya kalau dah petang tu jadi dahaga & lapar. Lagipun adiknya, Ibrahim, memang kuat menyakat si abang. Dahlah dia minum susu botol kat depan abangnya. Sus coklat pulak tu...macam manalah Muhammad nak tahan.Ish...sabar ajelah. Pujuklah lagi si Muhammad nie. Boleh dikatakan, hari2 memang nak kena pujuklah dia supaya jangan batalkan puasa. Sampaikan mengalir air mata dia bila waktu nak berbuka tu sebab sedih sangat tak dapat minum/makan.
Sekarang nie, dah lebih seminggu Muhammad dapat puasa penuh. Semenjak dia mula puasa penuh tu, belum lagi dia ponteng. Kira kuat jugaklah si Muhammad nie. ALhamdulillah. SIapa sangka. Pastinya Allah yang mudahkan. Yang sedih tu, pernah sekali dia tanya,
" Emak, bila kita nak hidup macam biasa?".
" Ehmm, macam biasa tu apa Muhammad ? Sekarang kan hidup kita biasa aje".
"Iyalah, hidup macam dulu2. Dulu ayah kan ada kat rumah dan kita boleh makan bila2 tak payah tunggu malam."
Kesian dia. Rindu kat ayah dan rindu nak makan/minum rupanya. Itulah dia mujahadah. Memang tinggilah mujahadah yang ALlah beri pada Muhammad. Semoga dengan mujahadah ini, akan terbentuklah sifat dalam dirinya. AMin.

Losing Weight ?

As we are already in the midst of Ramadhan, I have made a resolution to lose some weight. I am quite certain that with each child that I bore, I gained 2-3 kg. Thus, with the 4th child that I had, I am definitely 8-10 kg overweight. I have always put off the effort of losing the added kgs. I thought that it will be useless to work so hard to lose the weights because sooner or later, I will get pregnant again & I will defintiely pile on new weights...Alas, it has been almost 4 years since my last baby. I guess that the time to lose weight is finally here. After all, Ramadhan is here...what better way to do it than in this holy month whereby we detoxify and cleanse our internal system.
Yesterday, I visited my local GP. I explained to her, in a rather embarrased way, my predicament. She was not at all surprised. I guess she must have a lot of patients who are trying to lose weights. I specifically requested from her some medication that can help burn fat or increase my metabolic rate. Unfortunately for me, it is not that easy. My doctor is against the "short-cut" way of losing weight. She advised me to exercise. She said that all these medications has side effects and will cause weight increase once we stop taking them. She kept on motivating me with success stories of her patients. That's it then...exercise is the answer.
From today onwards, I shall burn the layers of fat on my body the old-fashioned way. I will start to exercise. I heard that solat is the best form of exercise. Hmm, I wonder how many calories will I burn with 2 rakaats of tarawih ? Lesson of the day, Allah is most merciful...he told us to fast in the day and perform tarawih during the night. He has showed us the true path. I bet by following this prescription I can lose more weight than by filling my body with chemicals.

Ramadhan Al-Mubarak

Hari ini, Alhamdulillah, kita menyambut Ramadhan. Semoga Ramadhan kali ini membawa pengertian dan kesan di dalam hati2 kita. Ramadhan ini, Allah telah pilih suami saya untuk dapat keluar ke jalan Allah. Kami berpisah buat sementara sahaja. Dengan ketiadaannya, Allah telah beri kami kelapangan masa. Semoga kami dapat memanfaatkannya sepenuhnya untuk buat usaha mempertingkatkan iman & amalan.

Azam saya, bila suami pulang kelak, saya akan raikan dia sebaik mungkin. Mana yang disukainya, walaupun perit untuk saya, pasti akan saya usahakan. Saya dan suami adalah sebaya. Kami berkawan sebelum bercinta. Sebelum mendapat usaha agama, kehidupan kami begitu "westernized"...Bolehlah dikatakan, kami nie dulunya Yuppies. Saya berfikiran agak feminist. Setiap kata2 yang keluar dari mulut suami pasti akan saya kupas dan teliti sebelum saya terima. I am a real challenge to my husband. Kesian suami, tiada yang mudah baginya. Even for minor decisions in life, I will intervene and make sure that my opinions have been considered. Maklumlah, isteri sama pandai dengan suami. Langsung tiada rasa hormat dan sifat mendahului suami. Saya seorang yang vocal. Pandangan saya mesti diketengahkan.

Alhamdulillah, Allah telah beri saya kesedaran. Allah telah beri saya faham tempat/peranan isteri di sisi suami. Mungkin atas doa yang banyak dari suami, kawan2 & keluarga. Kalau difikir2kan perangai saya dahulu, memang rasa malu teramat sangat. Bagaiman saya boleh jadi begitu jahil ? Itulah akibatnya apabila kita terlalu taksub dengan barat. Segala yang datang dari mereka kita rasakan adalah sempurna dan bijaksana. Pendedahan2 kepada culture, philosophy, social lifestyle etc yang saya lalui selama 6 tahun di America, banyak mempengaruhi saya. Apatah lagi saya pulak ketandusan iman dan jahil ilmu agama. Insya Allah, saya teringin utk menulis keadaan kehidupan pelajar2 ( teman2) di America suatu hari kelak.

Sememangnya, saya ini sangat2 bertuah kerana suami hanya pergi untuk sementara. Insya ALlah, dia akan pulang juga suatu ketika nanti. Ini berbeza dengan balu2 yang kematian suami. Kasih & rindu mereka tak kesampaian. Hanya di akhirat saja mungkin berjumpa. Semenjak suami pergi, saya benar2 dapat rasakan kesedihan isteri2 yang kematian suami. Barulah saya terasa betapa bertuahnya kerana suami saya masih berada di sisi. Walaupun suami berada jauh beribu batu, namun, saya tahu di masih hidup dan akan kembali.

Semoga Allah satukan kami di akhirat kelak kerana di dunia kami dipisah2kan kerana agama. AMin.

Kejayaan

Semalam saya berpeluang nusrah jemaah masturat Pakistan. Dalam bayan, ditekankan, konsep kejayaan. Apa erti Kejayaan ? Siapakah sebenarnya yang berhak untuk memberi definasi "kejayaan" ? Hanyalah ALLAH swt yang berhak. Apa itu kejayaan di sisi ALLAH swt? Bahawasanya, kejayaan di sisi Allah swt hanyalah sebanyak mana manusia itu dapat turut perintah ALlah swt dan tinggalkan larangan Allah swt sebagaimana yang telah di ajarkan oleh kekasih Nya iaitu, nabi Muhammad saw. Selama dekat sejam. Isu ini sahaja yg diuraikan. Kerana ini bayan khas untuk masturat, depa banyak bagi targhib pd wanita.

Kejayaan wanita, bukan pada zuriat, kecantikan, harta-kekayaan, pakaian yg cantik2 & mahal2, keturunan, pendidikan etc. Kejayaan adalah dgn mengikut perintah Allah swt sebagaimana yg telah di bawa dan di ajar oleh Nabi Muhammad saw. Jadi, apa perintah Allah swt pada wanita? Hmmm, itulah tujuannya kita mesti menuntut ilmu, supaya kita dapat belajar apa yang Allah perintah dan apa yang Allah larang pada setiap masa dan dalam setiap keadaan. Juga dengan ilmu, kita dapat tahu mana perintah yang wajib di dahulukan dan mana yang mesti dikemudiankan. Dalam bayan juga disebut, antara perintah Allah swt yg wanita MESTI jaga termasuklah amal-ibadatnya, auratnya, adab-pergaulannya, khidmat/tanggungjawabnya etc. Tanpa mengikut segala perintah dan larangan Allah swt, maka tiadalah kejayaan.

Semoga apa yang saya dengar, Allah swt beri kefahaman. Dan juga, Allah swt bantu saya untuk saya amalkan dan sampaikan pada orang lain. AMin