Wednesday, September 26, 2007


Ehm, I know my sisters are reading this. Welcome.

You guys must be wondering why I m doing this blog thingy. Well, as I said, living so far away from my hometown and also from you guys makes me lonely. I guess this blogging is another way of trying to find my place in this big world.
Sometimes I get so bosan. How come none of my friends/relatives are living close by ? I miss the close chatter of nonsense between us girls. Well, truthfully, I don't have that many girlfriends in the first place. Growing up, I have alwiz been better friends with boys. How come ah ? The bad things about being friends with boys is that they grow up, get married and cannot be your friends anymore. Iyalah, takkan kita masih nak berkawan kot. Depa dah ada bini & kita pun dah ada laki. Scandalous lah pulak.

That's why, I often tell my girls...don't be friends with boys. Of course this advice comes about not just from the disadvantages of losing the friends when you get older but also because of the Islamic rulings on boys/girls relationships. Apasal ek, kat Malaysia nie kita takde separation of the sexes ? When I was growing up, kita biasa aje duk kawan2 ngan budak lelaki. In fact, I was so close to them that I cannot accept" batas2 pergaulan". Hei, I m not saying that I did anything bad with these guys ok. In fact all of my relations with them are purely platonic. Macam cerita "Tentang Bulan". Kat Malaysia nie, selamba aje kita biarkan anak2 pompuan kita kawan2 ngan budak2 lelaki. We tell ourselves that it is innocent. We are bringing Allah's wrath onto our heads.
When I was overseas, I found out that these open boy+girl relationship does not happen in Muslim families. From small, kids are taught to stay within their groups. There are not much mingling between the sexes.

Then, how about us, Malays? Our society is so used to the open exchanges between male & females. I remembered, when I was working in an Office in Subang, there was free banter between the male & female colleagues. Jokes in the office always have double meanings. I guess all was fariplay because we were young. In fact, I was propositioned quite a few times by my male colleagues/clients. I usually just shrug it off. Never took it seriously. Alhamdulillah, I was married early and was not looking around for any of this sort of adventure. My life was too hectic already. I don't need the extra complications.

Once, I was on a work-related trip to Japan alone. On my way home to KL, I was approached by a nice looking man. We talked for a bit in the airport lounge. Of course I did not think much about it because we were both Malaysians in a foreign airport. What's wrong with a little company while waiting for our flights? When we boarded the plane, I said goodbye to him and thought that it will be the last time we met. As I was settling down in my seats and reading the in-flight magazine, a steward approached me and told me that I have the opportunity to upgrade to business class...Courtesy of the gentleman whom I met at the airport lounge.Wow! Siapa yang tak nak business class kan ? I quickly took the offer. Never thinking that I m playing in dangerous grounds.

So, off I went to take my new seat. Yup, there he was. My new friend from the airport lounge. I thought nothing of it and just sat next to him. I can't remember how many hours the flight to KL was. It kinda flew fast coz we were talking and talking and talking. Whehw. I never lied to him though. I told him that I am maried with 2 kids. He did also tell me about his wife & family & business. When we finally touched down. I thank him for his company & the business class seat. He was chivalrous. He even gave me his card and reminded me, quite a few times, to contact him. I didn't have my own Hp no, the one that I am using is from my office and it is purely for business only. So, I didn't volunteer any of my home/office/hp no. I was never that bold that I will give away my persolal no. I promised him ...yeah of course...I'll definitely contact him. A few weeks after the incident, I was tempted to call him. However, some things always hold me back. Maybe because when I am back in the folds of my family, I've got back my senses.

Alhamdullillah, I stayed on for only 4 years in that company/situation. If I had stayed longer, I will definitely be badly influenced. Not that I was that innocent in the first place. My boss keeps on hinting for me to take up the entertainment load of the business. So far, he has been covering my line as he knows that I am a lady and has wifely duties. However, he can't keep it up for long as he has other matters that he needs to take care of. That's it. Although the pay & bonus & perks was great...the job goes well beyond 8-5. The after office-hours obligations are threatening my values. I couldn't just quit my job. I have bills to pay and mouths to feed. Somehow, Allah opens up my heart to see that I have better opportunities elsewhere. When I prayed, I always make dua that Allah helps me find a way out of this tangle. Each morning as I get out of bed, I keep thinking of ways to excuse myself from coming to office. I dreaded my life coz working takes more than 70% of my 24 hours. Out of the blue, I was called for an interview. I was quite surprise coz I've never filed for any job application. Apparently, a job application which I filed 1-2 years ago has a new opening. Masya ALlah, Allah opens up a path when He knows we are searching for it.
Now, as I get older, I regret the things that I've done during my younger days. I was too bold for my own sake. I've done too many things that I m not proud of and I've hurt too many people in my life. I've got my priorities straighten up. There is no way that I will gamble my family and my values for money/position/job satisfaction. ALlah has shown me his path. I am humbled.

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