Too old for my own good ?

Sometimes it is not easy being older than most of your friends. You try the hardest to keep your mouth shut and let them learn from their own mistakes. Sometimes, your heart feels like it is bursting with such a force just from holding in all your words...you feel like you just simply want to shout to them...Alas, every one needs to learn on their own and at their own pace. People just do not appreciate the " Been There...Done That " experiences... Nobody likes a know-it-all.

Hmmm, May Allah opens their hearts, their minds and their eyes. Verily, we will be accounted for all that we do. Dunia itu sementara...akhirat juga kekal...abadan abada...

Visitors

3 Dara Pingitan ?

Hari Raya ke 4, mak cik + mak itam dari Johor dtg visit. Ha, first time jumpa anak2 mak itam since depa dah besar2 panjang. The last time kita jumpa, dia org masih bersekolah rendah. Wah...stylo jugak !

Emak + Mak Itam.

Emak nampak sangat dah uzur kan ? Tapi semangat dia kuat. Kalau tak kasik dia buat kerja rumah, dia dah merajuk. Dia komplen kat Sarah...Emak kamu tu sayang sangat kat Bibik. Asyik suruh Bibik aje buat semua kerja, mak kamu ingat nenek dah tak boleh buat ke? Allah...dah merajuk pulak orang tua itu. Sebab kita sayang kat dialah kita tak kasik dia buat kerja tapi dia beranggapan sebaliknya pulak. Ishhh. Macam tulah cerita mak kat sini. Sekarang nie, dia dah sibuk nak balik rumah. Dia kata tak perlu dah dia duk sini lama lagi sebab Bibik kan dah ada.

Sebenarnya, tak sempat nak amik gambar banyak2 sbb terlupa ! Time depa dah sibuk nak balik baru nak terkial-kial cari kamera. Ha, padan muka. Jadi, takdelah dpt snap banyak pix. Sori ekk. Yang banyak2 gambar ada kat dlm kamera tu semua Sarah & Nadia yg amik. Dia org bolehlah di harap jugak. Kalau nak tunggu mak dia yg buat...alamat, berhabuklah kamera tu kat dlm almari.

Here is another pix from Sarah. Dia org sakan amik gambar kat depan rumah. Susah jugak nak upload gambar kat blogspot nie ek... Rasa cam nak give-up aje. Connection asyik putus-putus dan gambar tu x dpt upload. Setakat nie ajelah yg termampu. Kalau sesape nak tengok gambar, lain kali ajelah ok :) Sorry !

Nieces

Selamat Hari Raya ! Alhamdulillah, ramai yang datang berkunjung ke rumah kami tahun ini. Raya pertama, zohri & family dtg selepas solat aidilfitri. Seronok jugak dpt jumpa keluarga dia. Iyalah, dia tu sibuk bebenor. Maklumlah, dah jadi tokei ikan. Hmm, buat sesapa yg tak pernah jumpa anak2 dia. Kat sini, I tolong pastekan gambar2 dia org.

Anak dia yang sulung, Balqish dah 4 tahun dan anak dia yg kedua, Ain, dah pun setahun. Entah bila agaknya si Zohri tu nak balik JB. Dia pun tak larat nak drive all the way from Kedah. Agaknya, adalah 10-12 jam perjalanan. Iyalah, kalau bawak budak2 tentu banyak kali kena berhenti. Kereta dia pun semput nak drive sejauh itu. Itu belum kira harga minyak & toll.

Nampaknya, koranglah yg kena pi ziarah dia kalau nak jumpa isteri & anak2 dia.
Si Balqish tu mmg comel & petah bercakap. Suka ketawa terkekeh-kekeh...geram tengok dia dgn adik dia. Ya Allah, semoga Kau berkati kami juga dengan zuriat anak perempuan yg comel2 dan yg solehah. AMin

Siapa yang kamu sedang rindu ?

Semalam lebat betul teman-teman sepejabat mempertikaikan ketiadaan suamiku, yang sekarang sedang keluar ke jalan Allah....di saat-saat umat Islam sdg sibuk buat persiapan untuk menyambut nikmat Aidilfitri. Anak2 aku di sekolah pun sering ditanya-tanya oleh guru2 mereka tentang keadaan ayah mereka yang tiada di rumah utk Syawal. Aku jadi sedihhh sangat.

Iyalah, aku nie mmg tak pandai nak jawab balik. Aku nie jahil, takde ilmu. Apa aku nak jawab bila dia org asyik kutuk org tabligh tinggalkan anak & bini. Tak komited pada kerja. Kerja tanpa quality. Tak ikhlas kerja makan gaji, etc. Lagipun aku takut, aku nie kurang berhikmah, nanti kalau emotional sangat…boleh jadi berperang mulut pulak. Langsung hilang kawan dan hilang pahala. Aku ada bagitau kat beberapa org kawan. Takpelah suami takde. Dia pergi buat benda yang baik. Insya ALlah, asbab korban kami, Allah akan beri kami iman. Kami redha.

Nak buat macam mana ? Orang dah prejudis kat puak2 tabligh. Aku pulak tak pandai nak bagi dalil ke, hadith ke, atau ayat2 Quran ttg Fadhilat Tabligh. ( Selalunya taklim 30 minit, aku selalu skip part ni. Asyik baca fadhilat solat, quran & zikir. Lepas tu buat muzakarah...aku sendiri yg perasan sibuk...oh) Macam mana aku nak dakwah kat dia org? Ish…aku nie mmg jahil. Ya Allah, kau pilihlah aku untuk dapat keluar lama-lama supaya aku dapat faham agama, supaya aku dpt belajar sunnah, supaya aku dpt hikmah dan dpt ilmu.

Alhamdulillah, pagi nie aku baca blog Kereta Mayat. Terima kasihlah pada Hamka yg beri semangat. Apalah sangat korban kami ini kalau nak dibandingkan dengan para rasul2 Allah dan sahabat2 Nabi Muhammad saw. Sikit sangat mujahadah dan korban perasaan yg kami lalui. Langsung takde menanggung kelaparan atau siksaan fizikal...Tiada dijemur di padang pasir, tiada dicemeti, tiada di sula hingga syahid...Tiada putus anggota tubuh badan...Tiada kematian anak2 atau suami.

Hanya rindu yg menggamit setiap kali teringatkan suami tercinta. Namun, dengan rindu ini, Allah beri peluang utk dpt nikmat tangisan dlm solat. Tiada perkataan yang boleh menggambarkan nikmat ini. Inilah nikmat agama dan nikmat amal yang kami cuba cari. Insya Allah, rindu kami akan Allah leraikan suatu hari nanti. Dengan izin Allah, kepulangan suami itu pasti. Kami menghitung hari...Tiada yang lebih Allah suka dari melihat seorang anak yang berlari-lari, berkejar mencari ayahnya. Disangkanya ayahnya telah pulang ke rumah. Namun, ayahnya tiada, belum juga pulang, kerana dia telah keluar fisabillillah. Maka menangislah si anak kerana rinduuuu….Sesungguhnya, inilah tarbiyah Allah pada kami yg ditinggalkan. Selama ini, kami fikir, suami adalah penyelesai segala masalah. Jika ada apa2 kekurangan, kerunsingan, kesedihan dalam kehidupan kami, pada suamilah tempat kami mengadu. Ini Salah! Suami hanyalah makhluk Allah. Tiada kuasa untuk memberi manfaat atau mudharat. Inilah peluang utk kita perbetulkan iman. Hanya pada Allah jua tempat kita bergantung. Tiada yang berkuasa ke atas segala-galanya selain dari ALLAH swt.

Selamat Hari Raya !

Hari ini dah masuk 27 Ramadhan. Tak lama lagi kita dah nak sambut Hari Raya. Kat ofis nie, ada yang dah bermula cuti balik kampung. Esok, lagilah ramai yang dah bercuti. Tinggallah kami aje kat sini...huah...huah...huah. Sedihnya, tak pernah lagi raya kat sini. Selalunya, kalau suami takde pun, mesti kita orang balik kampung JB. Tahun nie, tak balik pun.

Pagi2 tadi suami hantar mesej. Dia kata jemaahnya telah dibentuk. Mereka di putuskan pergi ke Bunir. Hmm, kat mana tu ek ? Dia bagitau kat situ ramai orang Pakistan yang datang ke Malaysia untuk berniaga karpet. Ramai juga yg telah berkahwin dengan orang M'sia dan bawak balik isteri2 mereka ke sana. Kat Bunir tu kawasan pergunungan, cuacanya sejuk sangat. Kalau bercakap boleh keluar asap. Wah...seronok jugak ek. Walau ke mana pun suami pergi, semoga Allah beri dia tarbiyah yg terbaik dan dapat dia bentuk iman & amal yg kuat. Alhamdullillah, dapatlah dia beraya di jalan Allah.

Nampaknya, kami kat M'sia nie raya sangat sederhana saje tahun nie. Raya ke-3 dah masuk balik kerja. Tak bestnya. Orang ramai semua masih cuti. Nampaknya, kita ajelah tercongok kat ofis nie sorang2. Takpelah, kuatkan semangat. Simpan cuti tu elok2. Nanti bila suami balik, bolehlah ambil cuti panjang2....Yeah, Insya Allah dapat balik JB/S'pore.

Ramai orang kata, bila suami balik 4 bulan, terasa macam pengantin baru...Iya ke? Entahlah, tunggu sampai dia balik nanti. Bila dah ada pengalaman, bolehlah cerita. Ish, lama jugak nak tunggu habis 4 bulan nie. Mana ada orang yg tak rindu suami. Alhamdulillah, skrg ada hp. Dapatlah kami hantar/terima berita melalui sms. Terubat jugak rindu di hati.

Ada suara2 yg komen...Tak patut betui laki engko tu tinggalkan anak-bini time hari raya. Kesian kat isteri & anak2. Yang bercakap tu pulak dah berumur, jadik tak bolehlah kita nak jawab balik. Nanti, kecik hati pulak orang tua itu. Tapi dalam hati, memang rasa nak jawab aje. Makcik, suami saya pergi itu untuk tujuan yang baik. Insya Allah, kalau kami redha, ALlah pun akan bantu kami jadik baik. Makcik ingat senang ke nak jadi baik. Kalau tak usaha, mana nak dapat ? Yang orang ramai pi hantar anak pi study overseas tu, boleh pulak. Ramai jugak yg pi study oversea tu tak bawak anak bini. Depa pun tak balik jugak time hari raya. In fact, ramai kawan2 saya yang pi kerja kat Dubai/UAE/pelantar minyak. Mereka tu pun tak jugak balik kalau hari raya. Takde pulak org sibuk2 mengata. Itulah manusia, kalau korban untuk dunia di bangga2kan. Kalau korban untuk iman dan amal dan akhirat, di caci2. Sabar ajelah.

Reflections

Ehm, I know my sisters are reading this. Welcome.

You guys must be wondering why I m doing this blog thingy. Well, as I said, living so far away from my hometown and also from you guys makes me lonely. I guess this blogging is another way of trying to find my place in this big world.
Sometimes I get so bosan. How come none of my friends/relatives are living close by ? I miss the close chatter of nonsense between us girls. Well, truthfully, I don't have that many girlfriends in the first place. Growing up, I have alwiz been better friends with boys. How come ah ? The bad things about being friends with boys is that they grow up, get married and cannot be your friends anymore. Iyalah, takkan kita masih nak berkawan kot. Depa dah ada bini & kita pun dah ada laki. Scandalous lah pulak.

That's why, I often tell my girls...don't be friends with boys. Of course this advice comes about not just from the disadvantages of losing the friends when you get older but also because of the Islamic rulings on boys/girls relationships. Apasal ek, kat Malaysia nie kita takde separation of the sexes ? When I was growing up, kita biasa aje duk kawan2 ngan budak lelaki. In fact, I was so close to them that I cannot accept" batas2 pergaulan". Hei, I m not saying that I did anything bad with these guys ok. In fact all of my relations with them are purely platonic. Macam cerita "Tentang Bulan". Kat Malaysia nie, selamba aje kita biarkan anak2 pompuan kita kawan2 ngan budak2 lelaki. We tell ourselves that it is innocent. We are bringing Allah's wrath onto our heads.
When I was overseas, I found out that these open boy+girl relationship does not happen in Muslim families. From small, kids are taught to stay within their groups. There are not much mingling between the sexes.

Then, how about us, Malays? Our society is so used to the open exchanges between male & females. I remembered, when I was working in an Office in Subang, there was free banter between the male & female colleagues. Jokes in the office always have double meanings. I guess all was fariplay because we were young. In fact, I was propositioned quite a few times by my male colleagues/clients. I usually just shrug it off. Never took it seriously. Alhamdulillah, I was married early and was not looking around for any of this sort of adventure. My life was too hectic already. I don't need the extra complications.

Once, I was on a work-related trip to Japan alone. On my way home to KL, I was approached by a nice looking man. We talked for a bit in the airport lounge. Of course I did not think much about it because we were both Malaysians in a foreign airport. What's wrong with a little company while waiting for our flights? When we boarded the plane, I said goodbye to him and thought that it will be the last time we met. As I was settling down in my seats and reading the in-flight magazine, a steward approached me and told me that I have the opportunity to upgrade to business class...Courtesy of the gentleman whom I met at the airport lounge.Wow! Siapa yang tak nak business class kan ? I quickly took the offer. Never thinking that I m playing in dangerous grounds.

So, off I went to take my new seat. Yup, there he was. My new friend from the airport lounge. I thought nothing of it and just sat next to him. I can't remember how many hours the flight to KL was. It kinda flew fast coz we were talking and talking and talking. Whehw. I never lied to him though. I told him that I am maried with 2 kids. He did also tell me about his wife & family & business. When we finally touched down. I thank him for his company & the business class seat. He was chivalrous. He even gave me his card and reminded me, quite a few times, to contact him. I didn't have my own Hp no, the one that I am using is from my office and it is purely for business only. So, I didn't volunteer any of my home/office/hp no. I was never that bold that I will give away my persolal no. I promised him ...yeah of course...I'll definitely contact him. A few weeks after the incident, I was tempted to call him. However, some things always hold me back. Maybe because when I am back in the folds of my family, I've got back my senses.

Alhamdullillah, I stayed on for only 4 years in that company/situation. If I had stayed longer, I will definitely be badly influenced. Not that I was that innocent in the first place. My boss keeps on hinting for me to take up the entertainment load of the business. So far, he has been covering my line as he knows that I am a lady and has wifely duties. However, he can't keep it up for long as he has other matters that he needs to take care of. That's it. Although the pay & bonus & perks was great...the job goes well beyond 8-5. The after office-hours obligations are threatening my values. I couldn't just quit my job. I have bills to pay and mouths to feed. Somehow, Allah opens up my heart to see that I have better opportunities elsewhere. When I prayed, I always make dua that Allah helps me find a way out of this tangle. Each morning as I get out of bed, I keep thinking of ways to excuse myself from coming to office. I dreaded my life coz working takes more than 70% of my 24 hours. Out of the blue, I was called for an interview. I was quite surprise coz I've never filed for any job application. Apparently, a job application which I filed 1-2 years ago has a new opening. Masya ALlah, Allah opens up a path when He knows we are searching for it.
Now, as I get older, I regret the things that I've done during my younger days. I was too bold for my own sake. I've done too many things that I m not proud of and I've hurt too many people in my life. I've got my priorities straighten up. There is no way that I will gamble my family and my values for money/position/job satisfaction. ALlah has shown me his path. I am humbled.

Belajar Puasa

I want to write this down before I forget the whole incidence. Saje nak tulis sebagai ingatan dan juga supaya suami dapat baca bila dia pulang ke rumah kelak.

Tahun ini, Muhammad baru mula nak belajar puasa. Pada mulanya, rancang supaya dia puasa setengah hari dan perlahan-lahan tambah waktu puasanya. Mungkin pada awalnya, dia boleh berbuka bila waktu zohor. Kemuadian, pada hari berikutnya bolehlah dia lambatkan sedikit waktu berbuka ke pukul 2 , 3, 4, 5 dan akhirnya, dapatlah dia puasa penuh. Alahmdulullah, pada hari pertama & kedua puasa dia dapat puasa separuh hari. Pada ramadhan ke-3, saya bercuti dan dapat duduk di rumah sepanjang hari. Throughout the whole day, Muhammad was so busy palyaing that he forgot to ask for food or water. He only remembered that he was thirsty sometime during the evening. Jadi, kami pun pujuk2lah dia. "Tak payahlah buka Muhammad. Dah tinggal beberapa jam aje lagi. Kalau Muhammad tak buka, bolehlah dapat puasa penuh. Tentu ayah seronoh bila dapat tahu Muhammad dapat puasa penuh". Muhamad memang rindu sangat kat ayah dia.
Dulu, masa emak sekolah pun, ayahlah yang rajin jaga & layan dia. Kemana-mana ayah pergi, mesti dia ikut. Asyik melekat aje dia ngang ayah dia. Tangan dia sentiasa pegang kain ayah, takut2 kalau ayah tinggalkan dia. Bila dipujuk dan dia dengar cerita2 pasal ayah, Muhammad pun jadi bersemangat semula. Dia pun terus beritahu yang cikgu sekolah tadika dah janji akan beri hadiah " duit merah" pada sesiapa yang dapat puasa penuh. ALhamdulillah. Kuat semangat budak ini. Dipendekkan cerita, hari Sabtu tu, Muhammad dapatlah puasa penuh. Begitu juga dengan hari AHad.
Bila Muhammad dah puasa penuh untuk 2 hari, mudahlah dia utk dapat teruskan puasa penuh pada hari2 yang berikutnya. Cuma yang tak tahan ialah bila dah petang2, dia mesti merengek-rengek nak minum air. Itupun sebab sepanjang hari dia dah pulun main dengan adik & kawan2. Jadi, tentunya kalau dah petang tu jadi dahaga & lapar. Lagipun adiknya, Ibrahim, memang kuat menyakat si abang. Dahlah dia minum susu botol kat depan abangnya. Sus coklat pulak tu...macam manalah Muhammad nak tahan.Ish...sabar ajelah. Pujuklah lagi si Muhammad nie. Boleh dikatakan, hari2 memang nak kena pujuklah dia supaya jangan batalkan puasa. Sampaikan mengalir air mata dia bila waktu nak berbuka tu sebab sedih sangat tak dapat minum/makan.
Sekarang nie, dah lebih seminggu Muhammad dapat puasa penuh. Semenjak dia mula puasa penuh tu, belum lagi dia ponteng. Kira kuat jugaklah si Muhammad nie. ALhamdulillah. SIapa sangka. Pastinya Allah yang mudahkan. Yang sedih tu, pernah sekali dia tanya,
" Emak, bila kita nak hidup macam biasa?".
" Ehmm, macam biasa tu apa Muhammad ? Sekarang kan hidup kita biasa aje".
"Iyalah, hidup macam dulu2. Dulu ayah kan ada kat rumah dan kita boleh makan bila2 tak payah tunggu malam."
Kesian dia. Rindu kat ayah dan rindu nak makan/minum rupanya. Itulah dia mujahadah. Memang tinggilah mujahadah yang ALlah beri pada Muhammad. Semoga dengan mujahadah ini, akan terbentuklah sifat dalam dirinya. AMin.